The sane world that no one understands
by Kay-xP-J14
Summary: Snapped!America story. Part 2 of "Losing the Revolutionary." America lost the Revolutionary War, he was taken by England, who tortured him. The other countries decided to help save America. After England is killed by France, America blames himself and everyone around him. Years later America becomes insane and can't trust anyone. He turns to self harm and wants everything to end.
1. Chapter 1

I sat in the darkness, on the ledge for too long. 'When will I jump' ... 'When will I fall?' I looked down into the deep dark abyss, just waiting for something to call my name. Something to pull me into the world that I never wanted to embrace. The light use to call my name but in this little hell of mine, there is no light, none at all. The only light I have is the flame of fire that surrounds me. 'Maybe he was right, I shouldn't have of started this. This ... little hell of mine. It's so personalized that it still blows my mind.' I stood there on the ledge thinking about the fall. 'Will my life flash before my eyes, bringing the good feelings back, maybe even bring the good feelings that I once had?' I took one last breath and dove into the darkness that I have always known.

The fail was quick but relaxing, I knew the pain would stop after my body hit the ground. I grew a smile on my face, as I saw the ground was coming closer and closer. I greeted death with a warm welcome. All I wanted was the pain to stop. I hit the ground with a boom sound. I could feel numbness, no more pain, no more misery. I felt coldness tingle everywhere in my body. Everything went dark after that, no more sound, no more sight, no more feelings, no more anything just the darkness that surrounds me.

Minutes later I heard a police whistle coming from the distance.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up. Wait? I woke up? I never wanted this. I wanted to stay "dead". I was ready to say good bye forever. I looked around myself. I was in a hospital room. I slowly shifted in my bed. I had tubes and IV's in my arms around me. Everywhere hurt like hell. I could already tell that I had several broken bones. Unlike being numb on the cold cement, I can feel every little moment I made. I'm hurt physically and emotionally. I know it and I won't admit it to the others. They'll just use it against me because it was used against me before. I looked down to the ground them back up to the door, where I saw Canada standing. His eye's were wide and he stood there still. Probable shocked that I'm still alive. I began to pull some of the IV's out. "I don't need this."

"Y-Yes, you do. Alfred, keep them in." Canada quickly came over to me and stopped me from what I am doing.

He looked as if he didn't sleep for days. I looked at his eyes. They looked baggy and dark. "Fine." I stopped trying to pull out the tubes that were attached to me. Realizing that he's been worried sick about me. "Alfred ..." Canada looked down to the ground as he trailed off. After a moment of mumbles from him, he looked up to me with watery eyes. "Why?"

I knew this question was coming but I has still shocked to hear it so early. I looked away, thinking of the possible answer for what I have done. Really, I couldn't exactly explain why to Matty. I wanted everything to stop ... the pain ... the memories of him. The one that died that one night, the one that tortured me for years after years. England ... Arthur, he was the one to win the Revolutionary War, not me. He kept me locked up and hurt me in every way he could from his ability. I've forgiven him, silly for me to say but I have. I love my brother, he loved me as a brother too. I could still see it in his eyes, even if they were filled with evil. I snapped out of my thoughts, turning my head back to Canada, I answered him. "I don't want to lie to you but I don't want to tell you the truth either."

His eyes widen in disbelief. "America, you ha-" I cut him off.

"Don't call me America!" I screamed as I put my hands over my ears. I hate that name ... America! I don't want to be that. I don't want to be anyone. I want to be nothing. That's the reason why I jumped in the first place.

He grabbed my hands and removed them from my ears. "Sorry, I forgot. But Alfred I wanna know why."

I stared at him for a minute. "I-I" I was going to tell him a little bit of the truth but France walked in. He came right up to me bed. He looked angry, upset, but releaved at the same time. "Canada, can you give us a minute?"

"Sure." Canada got up and left the room that I woke up in.

"America, what were you thinking?" France outburst as Canada shut the door. "I can't believe you did that! I leave you home alone for one night and I find you on the ground in the middle of the night!" He started to breath hard as he yelled at me.

Tears rolled down my face within seconds after the yelling. Since Arthur died, France knew something was wrong with me. He knew I would have problems letting go or whatever he calls it. He knew that this could happen and yet, he still killed my brother. ... So many things I wanted to say at once. "Stop calling me America!" I hated telling France everything. He makes me tell him what's going on with myself, he's even having me live with him till he thinks I'm better. I'm fine though, I have my special reasons to act like this. I jumped out of my hospital bed but instead of running away like I planned. I fall instantly to the ground in unexplainable pain. my legs gave out before I took a step, my tubs and IV's flew out of my somewhat bloody skin, I was gripping onto my bed to keep myself from falling anymore. My eyes watered, realizing that I was trapped in here till I healed.

France walked to me and crouched down to my level. "You see what you have done to yourself?" He questioned me.

I nodded slightly, I just want back up in my bed now. Afraid that he might hurt me. I closed my eyes as he stood up next to me. I shivered with fear at the thought of him hurting me. I then felt a pair hands on my waist. I opened my eyes to look at him. I gave an unsure smile. I then got back into my bed with his help. ... I think I've pushed his limits a little to far but I'm thankful that he doesn't exactly slap me for messing up either.


	3. Chapter 3

I stood in the darkness. I shivered as the wind blow on me. I could barely see anything but enough to get around. I looked around to find nothing near me. I kept walking and walking, hoping to find something. I have this weird feeling that I have been here before but I'm lost. Wait? How did I get here again? I don't even remember that but that doesn't shock me. I've been forgetting a lot lately.

'Knock' ... 'Knock'

I stopped in my tracks when I heard a knocking sound behind me. Am I not alone in this darkness? Why does this seem so familiar?

'Knock' ... 'Knock'

There it was again. I'm not alone in this darkness. "Where are you?" I paused for a moment before speaking again. "Who are you?" I had a feeling that I was dealing with something unusual. "What are you?"

I heard chuckling from behind me. Did I dare to move? I knew it was coming closer and closer. I closed my eyes and shivered. I could feel goosebumps on my arms. Why does this feel so god damn familiar?

"Why so frightened?" The voice was so close that I could feel it's breath on my neck.

I know this voice...I know this thing. Wait...It's not a thing it's a person. Why am I so mixed up in this? Should I even dare to turn around to face this person?

"Your too scared to turn around aren't you?" The voice spoke in an British accent. It had became clear of who it was.

"Leave me alone." I whispered in pain. I was so frightened to speak out loud. I began to shake. I felt a hand grab my arm, turning me around. I saw England. The man I've been afraid of but I miss him so much. I closed my eyes in fear. "Please don't hurt me. I miss you." I continued to whisper.

"Alfred. Snap out of it!" A french accent came to my ears.

I opened my eyes to see France. I was sitting on the couch. I was laying but France probably pulled me into a sitting position. I looked around myself, I am now in the living room.

"What happened? You were asleep one minute then screaming in the next." France said with a worried look.

Another dream that felt all so real. Did I go out of control like last time? Did I scream and yell again? Is this a dream or real life? My mind is playing damn tricks on myself and I can't help but not be scared. I burst into tears. "I'm so sorry."

France pulled me into a hug. "Don't be sorry for having nightmares." He kissed my forehead. "It's not your fault."

I nodded. "I'm so confused." I quietly said.

"That's why I'm here. I'm here to help you."

"Thank you." I know I have people to help me but they can't protect me from the darkness. Nobody can be protected from the darkness. It swallows you whole. There is no escape for anyone. Once your trapped ... your trapped forever. I'm trapped forever.


	4. Chapter 4

I walked in the ash ground, I coughed from all the smoke still in the air. I couldn't see a thing that was surrounding me. I don't remember how I got here, everything was blank. I continued to walk in the smokey fog till I hit something. It was a building of some sort. I rubbed the brick like wall. I looked up to see several windows, probable a few stories. It was becoming clear of where I am. New York city. But why here? How did I get here? I heard a crash behind me. "Are you okay?" I yelled out, even though I didn't think anyone was there. Things became clearer now. I started to more broken down buildings. "Why is everything to damaged?" I whispered to myself.

"Because your damaged, America." A British accent called out to me from smokey like fog.

Why him? Why now? "I'm not damaged." I said as I went to run but my body didn't move. I felt like hard cement was keeping me still. I took a shaky short breath knowing this wouldn't go well.

"Don't listen to that Frog face, France. He's just filling your head with nonsense. " The voice was closer then before. It was so closer it was like a whisper in my ear.

"No-o, he isn't. H-he's helping m-me." I stuttered with fear. I finally managed to turn myself around. I was shaking slightly. Facing your biggest fear isn't to glorious you know.

"Like anyone wants to help you." He snapped back with anger.

I squinted, to see him. I barely could see a shadow or outline of anything in this fog. I stepped forward to the voice.

"Everything is and will be your fault." The voice got louder.

"What do you mean?" I asked as I could finally see an outline of the other. Everything become clear. The smoke clear in seconds. New York was in total distraction. I teared up instantly to see one of my favorite cities like this. What happened to my New York?

"Your the one that is slowly breaking down, remember?" England than run to me, pushing me up against the broken down building behind myself. He had his one hand holding my wrist and the other holding my neck, slightly choking me.

"Is this wh- why New York is like this?" I question as I tried to breath.

"Your such an idiot you know that! Your so clueless!" He squeezed my neck tighter.

I coughed some before speaking. "Will you stop?" I begged. I just wanted everything to stop.

"I'll never stop. I'm stuck with you till the very end."England said in an aggressive tone.

"End?" I question. "The end?" My voice was uneven as I questioned England.

"When the lights go out in your head. When you say goodnight forever. When you fail as a Country and they have no choice to kill you." His grip got tighter around my wrist and neck as he yelled at me.

"W-what?" My eyes grew wide from the last statement. "They wouldn't do that...Who's they?"

"The other Countries...But, America...They would. They killed me." England tried to make a point but it didn't work on me.

"France killed you, and you weren't right. You wanted to lock me up and torture me for the rest of time. I think they did a civil thing." I said as I looked into England's hard cold eyes. Boy he looked mad. I feared of what he was going to say or do. I closed my eyes as he had a light smirk a crossed his face. But after I closed my eyes, I felt his grip loosen.

"Welcome to your hell America."

I was majorly confused. What? I opened my eyes. The grip was gone. The damaged buildings ... Gone. New York ... gone. I was dreaming again. I rubbed my head in confusion wondering what exactly just happened. Everything seemed to happen to fast.

Canada walked into my room. "Hey... you've been sleeping for over fifteenth hours."

"Really?" I asked as I still rubbed my head, making my hair messier.

"Yes. Alfred, Are you feeling alright?" Canada asked me.

I shock my head yes. "I'm fine. Just waking up." I said with a fake smile plastered on my face.

Canada then hugged me tightly, almost knocking me to the ground before getting my balance. "I'm glade your doing better." I didn't have to see a smile on his face to know that he was smiling.

I looked to the ground. "I'm glad too." I quietly said with a cheerful tone as I lied. I looked up from looking at the ground. To see that somebody was standing over the two of us. Somebody that I never wanted to see in this world known as reality. My worst nightmare was now in my dark reality. "England?" I said softly so Canada couldn't hear.

"Welcome to your hell, America." He said as he smirked evilly nodding his head as he knew that he had won this little game of his.


	5. Chapter 5

I ran to a corner of the wall. I hide there, as I breath heavily. "I just need everything to pause as I take a breath ... A breath is all I need to look back at what has all happened." I said to myself as I breathed my words. England, joining this world, it has terrified me. Every time I see him my heart stops in fear, even regret. I regret everything I have done. Going home with France, getting out alive from England's house, the Revolutionary, choosing England, letting him get away with destroying my people, even being born. People may say I'm insane for regretting being born but if they were in my place, they'd commit suicide already.

"America." The taunting voice called out to me. The voice echoed in the halls of the Frenchman's home. "I'll always be with you." England chuckled as he began to appear in front of America.

"Get away!" I screamed from the top of lungs.

He chuckled some more. "I'm only trying to comfort you. That frog always tells you that." He stepped closer to me. "I'm always with you America, or should I say Alfred?" He thought for a moment with an evil smirk, as I watched in terror. "Why do you even want to be called that?"

I didn't bother to answer him. I just ran away from everything. I got downstairs, to where I thought it was safer than before. Even though I knew it was just non-sense to this new world. "Can someone please promise that everything will be alright because I want to say good night." I once said to myself again before cradling into a ball.

"Now, now, America. Stop being a child." I could once again hear the voice that I dread.

"I'm not being a child." I wiped a few tears that were going to fall off my trembling face. "I can't help this."

England then appeared in front of me before my very eyes. "A child acts like this. An adult would be brave and try to attack back. But all you have done was run." There was a long pause in between the sentences. "What are you afraid of, America? The memories, are you afraid of the memories?" He said, with still no trace of him in sight.

"N-no." My heart pumped and pumped. I could feel my own heart rate grow faster. "I'm not afraid of the memories." My lip trembled slightly as I stood up. I was trying to show that I could stand my ground.

"What about the memories that I've made you forgotten?" The Englishman ask in a daring tone.

"What?" I couldn't help but question his statement. The memories that I've forgotten. What where they about or who have I forgotten? Maybe it's the places that I have- ... Wait, I'm falling for his tricks.

"I cleared your mind from many many things." England smirked happily. "Want me to show you?"

"I'm not falling for your tricks." I looked down from the other. I wasn't going to fall for the tricks he set up for me.

"Tricks? Really? You think I would lie about something that would hurt you dearly?" England then put his hand to my forehead.

I closed my eyes. Only the Lucifer himself would know where England would take me. I opened my eyes. I felt arm wind blow in my hair . "Huh?" I questioned. Where was I? I began to walk in a field since I couldn't answer my own question. I saw a women run a crossed the same field. "Hey, you! Why are you running!" I yelled to her so she could hear. She was gorgeous, I have to admit. She had long black silky hair, her skin was very tan, she also carried a bow. She turned my way, then shot a bow towards me but I wasn't hit. "Hey!" I was slightly offended from the shot. She looked Native American, but I was sure I couldn't of been in this time.

"I see her sir." I could hear a voice behind me. I looked to see where the voice came from but no one else was to be seen. I went back to watch the women but she was gone.

"Where did you go?" I asked slightly out loud. "And why do you feel like you were important to me?" ... Silence came to my ears ... I began to walk again. I was now in a patch of woods. Where are the people, that I've been seeing and hearing. I saw a few people running from a bottom of a hill. I quietly when to the top to see what was going on. There was fire everywhere, the heat was unexplainable. "Why?" I felt sadness and unbearable pain. My eyes watered. ... Wait, why am I feeling and acting this way?

"America." I weak whisper come to my ear. It was a women's voice, which was shocking to me.

"Yes?" I whispered back.

"Find me." The beautiful voice continued to whispered.

"I promise to find you." I knew who it was as I got a picture in my mind. It was the women from the field. I ran to the flames, I ran till I found the women. She was on the ground, dead. I began to cry more. I still had no clue why I was teary. "Why do you feel so important to me?"

Her eyes opened. "I'm your mother."

My eyes widen in disbelief. Then suddenly I felt like I was being pulled back. In a blink I was in my living room again. I couldn't talk, still shocked from the real life vision. ... How do I forget about her? I don't remember having a mother.

"Alfred, are you okay? " France said as he looked at me from the table.

I was on the couch to be surprised. I was sleeping though.

"Alfred?"

"But it's all slowly fading away, its all fading photographs as it can never last forever. With one last wish, I want to be back in the world that I have always known." I said, to come to realize that the memory of my mother was fading away.

"Alfred, are you okay?" France said with concern as he got up from his seat.


	6. Chapter 6

I could see France pounding his tightly made fist onto the table as he made his statement to the argument between the other countries as I watched from the window. "America is going to be fine. I can promise you that. You don't know what this boy has gone through in the last couple of years."  
"Yes but France-" China began to speak before being interrupted by the Frenchman.  
"Don't tell me that you would be perfectly stable after being abused physically, mentally, and socially all those years." France pointed out to everyone who wanted to argue against him. "I know he isn't at the best state right now but you all need to give him time. Things like this will take time." I chucked to myself with a light smile. It's been years since I've been out of that hell hole. All I can see if myself getting worse.  
Germany signed to himself showing that he was tired of arguing about this topic again. But everyone is getting anxious about about me right? They wanted to know when exactly this 'great country', that I am, could start helping out. "France you know many of us need help with resources and for our people to migrate there."  
"I know..." France added.  
"Does America know?" Germany questioned.  
"I've told him very little. He's on watch right now." France said in a humble voice as he bowed his head slightly. I looked down in knowing what he meant. I hate seeing him disappointed in mean.

"Pfft, what a disappointment you are to him, Alfie." England said chuckling at me.

"Shut up!" I looked at him for a minute, we glared at eachother for a minute then I looked back into the room.  
Everyone was looking away with disappointed faces. They all knew what this meant, of course. It wasn't the first time I was on watch. Whispering started between everyone, soon the whispering became louder into a talking tone. Soon words such as "disappointment" or "disgrace" or phases like "There's no hope for him" could be over heard from a conversation about me.  
A shush came to the other countries, telling them to quiet down. "How many times has this been?" Russia asked in a frustrated tone.  
France managed to say after a long pause of silence. "Three times."  
"Aren't you tired of him yet?" Russia continued the conversation.  
"I wish he would stop but no, I'm not tired of him. How could I? It wouldn't be right if I was. He is my brother after all." France signed after this statement. He was tired of this question, I've heard many other Countries ask him this before. 'Everything will pass and America will get better' he would tell himself under his breath when he would be come annoyed with me.

"Alright." Russia nodded. He could understand what France meant. He did after all have siblings of his own...  
"How much worse has he been?" Germany asked.  
France thought till the silence became awkward. "I couldn't tell you. He barely tells me anything, he refuses to some days. I know he's not stable but I promise you that I have everything under control." I rolled my eyes.

"But thats what he said last time, huh America?" England said under his breath for only me to hear.

I looked up from the window from secretly watching the world meeting that was going on without me. "Shut up!" I raised my voiced slightly, I was starting to get annoyed with the Brit.

"But my boy, I won't ever shut up. I won't ever shush those voices inside your head." A small smirk slowly grow acrossed the others face.

I knew he was trying to make me look paranoid infront of the others if I burst out at him. After all I would be yelling at nothing but something of a figment of my imagination. I chuckled to myself, knowing that he wouldn't win this childish game.

"I'll be here forever... hunting you. Making sure your life is total hell."

"Shut up before I make you and blow my cover." I annoyingly bursted out.

"Cover blown." England's smirk grew bigger before pushing me into the window.

My heart raced and my eyes widen. I knew that the other Countries would be staring at me, since I hit the window. "Damn it England!" I said in am under tone. I turned around to see all eyes watching me.

"America..." I could hear France trail off on the other side.


End file.
